Mom project
An exploration and celebration of the complexities of motherhood.
Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when a person holds two contradictory beliefs at the same time. Motherhood seems to be a constant struggle in cognitive dissonance, walking a fine line between overwhelming frustration and also deep love. The Mom Project started when I had a striking realization that even the most seemingly perfect, patient, and loving moms did not always feel that way, and that we were all struggling to find support, meaning, fluency, and agency in our new(ish) roles as mothers, while still trying to hold onto our previous selves & identities.
Interviews have been edited for clarity and space; ages are listed at the time of interview.
Dominique
“Follow your gut and listen to your kids.”
Danielle
“You’re not in control, and you have to just accept that and do your best..”
Raquel and Tracie
“Being a parent turns you into a better person, and helps you get outside of yourself, and really care about someone else. I think that’s really cool.”
Kelly
"I remember being so shocked by the identity change; that all of a sudden, I was a mom, and I would always be referred to as, ‘Teagan’s mom’, or ‘Westley’s mom’, and that kind of almost comes before my [own] name sometimes.”
Priscilla
"There were moments when I would forget that I was the mirror for them: how I responded to them was showing them who they were. I didn't deeply understand that. Nobody had told me that."
Christina
"My biggest piece of advice for any sort of mom is- and I tell myself this all the time- it’s just a phase."
Karen
"I've totally felt judged. I think it stemmed from being a recovering addict. And recognizing that there was shame behind that. And that it took me quite a few years in recovery to realize that, through a program, I could gather the tools I needed to be a socially appropriate mom. But then also be an emotionally available mom to my kids, because there was a time when I wasn't."
Vanessa
"I feel that I've kind of come into more of who I want to be within the past 10 years or so. Previous to that I was a mess. I was anxious, stressed, overwhelmed all the time, making decisions based on pleasing other people as opposed to what was true to my soul and myself."
Amy
“I apologize a lot to my kids. That is really important. We are human and have good days and bad days … Apologizing to children is really important.”
Sarah
“It’s the best thing ever. I think being a mom is absolutely my favorite thing.”
Veronica
“It’s hard to maintain an identity outside of being a mom … I sometimes forget who I am. Who is Veronica? What do I want? What do I need? What do I like?”
Francie
”I would have believed in the outcome a lot more. I was in such fear of breaking her, just ruining something. Approaching motherhood from a state of fear doesn't really produce great results. I would have been perhaps a little more confident that things would be okay.”
Sile
"If you love your kids, that goes a long way. I guess my advice would be just be kind to yourself. If you’re kind to yourself, then the kids reap the benefits."
Kate
"Certainly for the first five years that I was having kids, et cetera, [I felt] very judged by the other people that I was working with. I literally had successful, established people look at me and say, ‘That's not possible. That's too much. That's not a great choice.’ "
Marisa
"I have some friends focused more on their home and child rearing, and some focused more on their careers, and I want to do both and fully belong to both, but I have a challenge balancing the two worlds."